confession

ini adalah post pengakuan. kalau rasa masalah korang sendiri dah terlampau banyak, dinasihatkan jangan baca. kang pening kepala korang. ahah.

and i warn you, this post will sound a bit cheeky, bold and seems aggressively arrogant. luls. and maybe, to ambitious.

dah warning dah, so pandai2 la korang. jangan pas baca komen2 pelik2 plak ahah.

kamu tahu apa cita cita aku dari kecik? masa umur 7 tahun rasanya, aku join rombongan nganto nenek sedara pegi haji. kat bayan lepas, pulau pinang. masa tu meriah. macam pasar malam kat situ. hampar tikar, berkelah ramai2. seronoknya. tapi kamu tahu apa yang paling menyeronokkan dalam kepala hotak 7 tahun aku masa tu?

tengok Boeing 747 teksi kat runway (when a plane is moving around an airport, we call it taxiing) luls.


a Boeing 747-400 taxiing on a runway. What a beauty.

fuh. aku tengok gergasi betui kapalterbang. macam mana dia bulih terbang nih? musykil aku. tapi memandangkan masa tu internet pun takdak lagi kat malaysia rasanya, so aku tokleh nak google hahahahah. tapi dalam hati aku dah pasang niat kuat-kuat "AKU NAK JADIK PILOT SATU HARI NANTI". bijak kan palotak aku masa tu? macam mana la aku bulih tau kapal terbang tu ade 2 ekor manusia bawak. ahahah. tapi aku tanya gak la bapak aku sapa yang pakai peak caps + epaulette + kot yang ader stripe kat lengan + tie itam. oh sungguh kacaklah jika aku dapat pakai. kan kan kan? uniform pilot tuh ahah.


:D

so sampailah sekolah menengah cita-cita aku macam tu. and i deserve having such a high ambition, because i was in an "elite school" lah kononnya. ahahah. talking about produk gagal :b

after school, i have a few choices, go straight into MAS or SIA cadetship. I wouldn't remember if MARA was sponsoring pilot students back then (2004) and i just knew they did in 2007.


singapore girls? (SIA stewardess)


or malaysian girls? luls! (MAS stewardess)

however, to go to SIA cadetship, you need to have a bachelor's degree, which didn't have, so i was left with two choices: do my degree first or directly go into MAS cadetship.

and i did not pick he latter. you know why? SIA's fleet are mostly widebody, and cater for long haul journey, so when you first enter SIA as second/first officer, chances are, you will be assigned to any widebody aircraft, unlike MAS, where you will be assigned to a 737 or fokker 50 first (both are 'small' aircraft).

plus, having a degree AND a flying license will give you an edge over someone who doesn't, right? don't argue my shallow statement, but MOST of us will think that it's cooler to have both, isn't it? =b

and luckily for me, at that time, this *ehem* company is offering me a place to pursue an engineering degree in its private university. i said to myself "this is an opportunity!". i will finish my degree first, then go to SIA!

apparently, that's not the case for me. 2009 was the suwey year for me. first, SIA stopped taking Malaysian cadets. second, MAS stopped its cadetship programme. third, MARA also rumoured to sponsor the last batch of pilot cadets in May 2009. fourth, i had a tumor as big as my fist inside my guts. fifth, i was dumped by my girlfriend. oh, lari topik plak lol.

and now, to pursue my ambition would be an uphill task. where can i find 275k to pay for the course? sure, banks can give out loans, but where can i find collateral for the loans?

and if i did manage to find the money, would i pass the Class I Medical Examination to qualify for the course with this 'thing' inside my perut?

sekarang? redha sajalah. mungkin itu bukan yang terbaik untukku. mana tau kalau bawak nanti, eksiden, mati ramai2. bek aku tayah bawak. tak apelah, jadik construction man pun takdelah susah sangat. berbakti kat negara jugak. buat landasan ketapi letrik tuh. bangga seh. hins.

dah tak larat aku pendam rasa. menangis dalam hati pasal benda-benda macam ni yang sangat-sngat menyakitkan hati yang semua jadik tahun ni jugak. apa boleh buat. no pain, no gain.



skang kumpul model sajalah. malam-malam, main sorang2 dlm bilik cam budak-budak. wiu wiu wiu. hahahahah. pathetic kan? tak apa. se pathetic aku pun, tak kacau orang. susah aku sorang. senang aku sher dgn mak ayah. sedih aku nangis sorang. ketawa, ramai2. kang orang kata gila plak ketawa sorang2.

sejujurnya, aku kecewa dengan diri sendiri sebenarnya. aku boleh pergi lebih jauh. dan mendapat yang lebih baik. nak buat macam mana. takdir sudah macam tu. otak geliga macam mana pun, kalau Allah cakap takleh pi mana, duduk situ sajalah.

grievances over dead dreams may shed the light on a better reality. - ni quote aku sendiri.

doa sajalah.