confession

ini adalah post pengakuan. kalau rasa masalah korang sendiri dah terlampau banyak, dinasihatkan jangan baca. kang pening kepala korang. ahah.

and i warn you, this post will sound a bit cheeky, bold and seems aggressively arrogant. luls. and maybe, to ambitious.

dah warning dah, so pandai2 la korang. jangan pas baca komen2 pelik2 plak ahah.

kamu tahu apa cita cita aku dari kecik? masa umur 7 tahun rasanya, aku join rombongan nganto nenek sedara pegi haji. kat bayan lepas, pulau pinang. masa tu meriah. macam pasar malam kat situ. hampar tikar, berkelah ramai2. seronoknya. tapi kamu tahu apa yang paling menyeronokkan dalam kepala hotak 7 tahun aku masa tu?

tengok Boeing 747 teksi kat runway (when a plane is moving around an airport, we call it taxiing) luls.


a Boeing 747-400 taxiing on a runway. What a beauty.

fuh. aku tengok gergasi betui kapalterbang. macam mana dia bulih terbang nih? musykil aku. tapi memandangkan masa tu internet pun takdak lagi kat malaysia rasanya, so aku tokleh nak google hahahahah. tapi dalam hati aku dah pasang niat kuat-kuat "AKU NAK JADIK PILOT SATU HARI NANTI". bijak kan palotak aku masa tu? macam mana la aku bulih tau kapal terbang tu ade 2 ekor manusia bawak. ahahah. tapi aku tanya gak la bapak aku sapa yang pakai peak caps + epaulette + kot yang ader stripe kat lengan + tie itam. oh sungguh kacaklah jika aku dapat pakai. kan kan kan? uniform pilot tuh ahah.


:D

so sampailah sekolah menengah cita-cita aku macam tu. and i deserve having such a high ambition, because i was in an "elite school" lah kononnya. ahahah. talking about produk gagal :b

after school, i have a few choices, go straight into MAS or SIA cadetship. I wouldn't remember if MARA was sponsoring pilot students back then (2004) and i just knew they did in 2007.


singapore girls? (SIA stewardess)


or malaysian girls? luls! (MAS stewardess)

however, to go to SIA cadetship, you need to have a bachelor's degree, which didn't have, so i was left with two choices: do my degree first or directly go into MAS cadetship.

and i did not pick he latter. you know why? SIA's fleet are mostly widebody, and cater for long haul journey, so when you first enter SIA as second/first officer, chances are, you will be assigned to any widebody aircraft, unlike MAS, where you will be assigned to a 737 or fokker 50 first (both are 'small' aircraft).

plus, having a degree AND a flying license will give you an edge over someone who doesn't, right? don't argue my shallow statement, but MOST of us will think that it's cooler to have both, isn't it? =b

and luckily for me, at that time, this *ehem* company is offering me a place to pursue an engineering degree in its private university. i said to myself "this is an opportunity!". i will finish my degree first, then go to SIA!

apparently, that's not the case for me. 2009 was the suwey year for me. first, SIA stopped taking Malaysian cadets. second, MAS stopped its cadetship programme. third, MARA also rumoured to sponsor the last batch of pilot cadets in May 2009. fourth, i had a tumor as big as my fist inside my guts. fifth, i was dumped by my girlfriend. oh, lari topik plak lol.

and now, to pursue my ambition would be an uphill task. where can i find 275k to pay for the course? sure, banks can give out loans, but where can i find collateral for the loans?

and if i did manage to find the money, would i pass the Class I Medical Examination to qualify for the course with this 'thing' inside my perut?

sekarang? redha sajalah. mungkin itu bukan yang terbaik untukku. mana tau kalau bawak nanti, eksiden, mati ramai2. bek aku tayah bawak. tak apelah, jadik construction man pun takdelah susah sangat. berbakti kat negara jugak. buat landasan ketapi letrik tuh. bangga seh. hins.

dah tak larat aku pendam rasa. menangis dalam hati pasal benda-benda macam ni yang sangat-sngat menyakitkan hati yang semua jadik tahun ni jugak. apa boleh buat. no pain, no gain.



skang kumpul model sajalah. malam-malam, main sorang2 dlm bilik cam budak-budak. wiu wiu wiu. hahahahah. pathetic kan? tak apa. se pathetic aku pun, tak kacau orang. susah aku sorang. senang aku sher dgn mak ayah. sedih aku nangis sorang. ketawa, ramai2. kang orang kata gila plak ketawa sorang2.

sejujurnya, aku kecewa dengan diri sendiri sebenarnya. aku boleh pergi lebih jauh. dan mendapat yang lebih baik. nak buat macam mana. takdir sudah macam tu. otak geliga macam mana pun, kalau Allah cakap takleh pi mana, duduk situ sajalah.

grievances over dead dreams may shed the light on a better reality. - ni quote aku sendiri.

doa sajalah.

pesanan

kawan kawan

jika kamu punyai waktu panjang, nikmatilah ia sepuas puasnya
jika kamu punyai kesihatan, jagalah ia semampunya
jika kamu punyai wang, belanjalah sehemahnya
jika kamu punyai umur panjang, bersyukurlah dengannya.

aku tahu aku hipokrit memberi pesanan-pesanan itu. aku mengaku, bnyk pesanan tu yang aku tak amalkan, sengaja atau tidak sengaja. tak apa, berpesan-pesan tu nabi suruh. so baik berpesan-pesan kebaikan sementara masih ada waktu.

dan aku manusia yang banyak kelemahan.

maafkan aku sekiranya ada salah silap.
maafkan aku kalau aku tidak berlaku jujur.
maafkan aku kalau aku terlanjur kata.
maafkan aku jika tersakit hati.

aku tak sempurna.

yang pernah memberi aku hutang, terima kasih. akan aku cuba membayarnya di waktu terdekat. kalau aku dalam kubur, jangan risau, aku dah pesan baik-baik kat waris aku tolong selesaikan.
yang pernah berdendam dengan aku, harap maafkanlah. kalau aku ada salah silap, cakap lah terus terang. jangan dibawak masuk kubur. aku takmau mati tak tenang nanti.
yang pernah bagi aku makan, berjuta penghargaan aku berikan. aku tak mampu balas. tak apalah, ada malaikat kiri kanan catit amalan korang.
yang pernah memberi ilmu dan tunjuk ajar, terima kasih daun keladi. maafkan kebodohan aku.

post kali ini betul betul serius. aku tak mau nanti tak sempat, baru nak menyesal kenapa tak minta maaf awal-awal, terima kasih awal-awal.

dan kalau kamu peduli lah, akaun fs, gtalk, fb aku dah delete. so memang dah tak ada ye =)

jgn risau, henset je aku tak buang lagi.

dan sekarang beruntung tak punya sahabat karib. sekurang-kurangnya tak ada yang menangis untukku. bagi aku, tak ada faedah berkongsi kesedihan.

ketawa biar ramai ramai. menangis jangan siapa tahu.

dan untuk kamu yang pernah menjadi istimewa untukku, terima kasih untuk segalanya. maaf kalau aku tak reti menghargainya, tapi dalam hati siapa tahu? semoga kamu ada orang lain yang lebih menghargai pengorbananmu daripadaku.

jika kamu redha, aku redha.

untuk rakan-rakan yang sudah berjaya, alhamdulillah, aku tumpang gembira. yang masih menunggu P ataupun masih tercari-cari, jangan cepat mengalah. rezeki di mana-mana.

SABAR ITU PENTING.

ini baru mula nak berleter part 1. ada lagi. umur panjang, kutulis lagi rakan-rakan ye.

maaf jikalau blog jarang berupdate. internet subscription sudah tiada. terminate awal-awal senang. nanti susah pulak mak ayah kena terminate. so, kembali ke zaman menumpang broadband sekolah. he he.

doakan aku sihat selalu. terima kasih.

ps - fb lom delete. sungguh komplikated proses delete acc fb neh. gila. last resort, tutup komen tutup semua. tinggal status udeh.

journey of life?

tagged by don.

so here it goes:

After travelling a long way, you had
reach a final junction towards your
success. On this junction there are two roads to be chosen. The first road offers you an easy path but at longer journey, very very long one compared to
the other one. The second is
extremely short but also very very difficult as people said "most of the
people traveled this road never returned".


Which road will you
take? (no one can take both road at a same time)
Why do you not choose the
other road?
What is the example in your life showing that you actually did
choose the road you stated?

lets just say the long way is a proven method, and the short way is full of uncertainties ahead.

the first road, long but proven, is an easy journey. just cruise with the flow, and you will get there, eventually, with Allah's will. a simple example will be to work with the government. most of us will agree that working in a government sector is less stressfull han working in private companies. and you must know how to trump cards (a metaphor, not asking you to gamble!) in order to make yourself known to your bosses. (if you dont know what i mean, just http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trump_(card_game)
after a while, go and enjoy your pension. go plant fruit trees. rear cattles. stay in the village. or watever you can imagine yourself doing at 55.

offtopic - i still cant believe our current PM is imagining himself doing those kind of things after he retires, in front of thousands of people! that was really an insult! no vision, no aim to improve himself or the country for goodness sake! least he can say, "i will be writing a book on etc2." or "i will look after the people in my constituency".

but "balik kampung tanam jagung"?!! not our pm please!

ok back to the tag.

as for the short route, its unproven, and we have to face obstacles to get to the top.

one thing for sure if we want to make it in the second road: we must dare to fail. and be persistent in bouncing back. it doesn't matter how many times you fall, but the most important thing is, you bounce back higher than ever before.

the most important thing when taking this course of life is having a backup plans. if youre taking degree in engineering, but you cannot finish it, what will you do? if you're not eligible for [p] interview, what's your exit plan? if you failed to secure a job in [p] what will you do? if you re not given the scholarship to pursue your dream career of flying, what will be your next step?

the key is planning ahead. they say "if you fail to plan, than youre planning to fail".

but i think that it's good to plan to fail. i mean, not to fail, but plan an exit plan if we fail.

got what im saying?

suppose we're filling a jar of milk into a glass. instead of thinking that eventually the glass will be filled with milk, we think of what is going to happen if the glass is shattered to pieces. what if the glass is already filled with red syrup? (itll be a bandung luls) what will happen if the milk overflows? or the glass is upside down? or a hollow glass? think hard. and even harder.

think outside the box.

then you will know what you want. what you need. what you have. what will you have. who can provide you with leverage, either financially or psychologically.

and you will see life will become much easier for you. and less cruel than what you have thought :)

as for me, i will take the second road.

why not first road? simple. its boring.

and i like to challenge life. not waiting to be challenged luls.

and just like what im doing right now. instead of letting [p] determine the path of my life, i carve my own.

and i think it's worth every single penny.

the conclusion? i give you the freedom to conclude my post. everyone is entitled to their own opinion. some would like a stable job, unlike me. its up to you to decide =)

adios

another 2oclock post. sigh.

ps - sorry for the red corrections from don's post. im very particular about proper grammar, esp the usage of particles (eventhough i never checked my own grammar luls)

2009 resolution

its already 5% of 2009. i know its late. i know its not that meaningful.

and i know nobody cares.

well, i dont care because this is my personal space. and i'm a firm believer in 'all those small things in life matters'. thats why im going to have a late, simple, but achievable resolution for 2009.

1. i will stop eating spicy food and chillies that has been my favourite since i was a kid. i believe this will somehow reduce my temper and stomach-hell for me. ive just recovered from 3 weeks of constant diarrhoea. and its a hell. so two birds with a stone. bad stomach and bad temper.
2. i will get employed in february. no matter what. no matter what job. no matter how much the pay is going to be.
3. get through [p] interview and impress the interviewer. how? it's a trade secret.
4. maximum 4 months wait for [p] call-up. then i'll assume they do not want me. i will pursue my dream of flying.
5. if [p] hires me. i will work for them diligently. but i will still chase my dream. sooner or later.

5 is enough. all achievable. all workable.

my financial goal is to save rm10k bt the end of this year.

good luck to me.