the hard truth

it sucks when you learnt about the hard truth. that when you think you are doing the best that you can, but the fact is, its not enough. when you know that your competition is from the most unexpected of all people. when you think you are the only one, but there will always be another guy doing better.

and when you know it at the time you don't expect it.

this is what happen when you know your beloved one contacted her ex, while not telling you at all. and knowing that he's doing very well. and better than you. the fact that this guy is getting married is not soothing at all. bravo, i never knew you and would never want to know you, but yet you really can make my life miserable.

and now it all really makes sense. that explains why suddenly the change of attitude. suddenly getting mad for asking when and where she's going. the 'i want to be single cus single rawks' attitude. the 'im independent so dont ask where the eff im going' replies that you get.

it sucks.

it sucks when you've felt that you have done everything to make her your girl, but nothing can satisfy her. money is never enough. love? bleargh. care? ew. appearance? not a bit. there will always be someone better than you.

i have a life. i have a dream. i have a lifelong passion to complete. im only 21 for gods sake! i am trying my best. i don't want to be a fucking lame engineer. it stinks when you have to do all the dirty works and be responsible for it while other people milking me out for their own luxury life.

i have my own plans.

so please, when you think im not the best for you, and i just can never be one, i really am trying to be one.

but remember, if you think im a desperate lover, please look up the facts that i am not one.

ps - i know is unethical. a grief sin, at its best, to look at chatlogs of other people. but its there, and its purely accidental. not that i look up for it. and that's the only way to know about the truth. the hard way, in fact.